give it to me straight, doc

The truth about andrew is a harsh one, but something that I'm surprisingly glad to hear. Not from him of course, but from his good friend eric. Its a telling sign that someone so close to you will willingly explain what a shitty person you are. Fortunately, even though it wasn't the type of confirmation I was looking for, i finally got a true story about what goes on in that kids mind. Which is nothing. Nothing goes on in his mind. The only persons thoughts and feelings that he cares about are his own. He's not capable of thinking otherwise. And even when eric told him "caitlins not going to be happy about that" when andrew was fucking that alex bitch all week, all andrew could say was "nah - why would she be upset about it?" because he has no general concept of consequence or reality.

I've cried enough, thrown up enough, and wasted enough thoughts and hopes on this guy, and its time to be done. I'm not going to be one of the many girls he's carelessly fucking, and I'm not going to continue to indulge my emotional attachment on someone who is not going to reciprocate it. Yes, it sucks, but I'm glad someone told it like it is. My only wish is that when I walked back into the house, I hadn't heard some girl in his room. But fuck it. I guess it closed the deal. And so did my door slam.

So to those of you who let me give him a second chance, thank you. If it weren't for that, I would have continued to entertain the idea that maybe, just maybe I can have what I want, and I would have thought that for who knows how long. And to those who were skeptical, thank you as well. If everyone had been all about the idea, I would have sunken too far into it. Having to make your own mistakes hurts, but I guess its the way its got to be.

I'm leaving for two weeks. I'll be back on July 1st, and hopefully that will be enough time to clear my head and get out of this full on depression that I've gotten myself into. This has truely been one of the shittiest weeks of my life. When Monday finally gets here, Im saying "fuck you" to it all and running away to see new things and be with emily and christi. This is something that I desperately need to do. Maybe this shitstorm couldn't have come at a better time.

Until July - hasta luego.

Long day

So my party ruled. I'll post pictures later. Right now though, I'm irritated that I have to try so hard with Andrew and that he just keeps on calling me out on bullshit and frustrating me constantly. So now I'll go to bed. Alone. And irritated. But not about my party. Cause that ruled.