Oh hello, blog, it's good to see you again

Well I was doing a damn good job of blogging steadily there for a while, and then I got busy or bored or something and stopped. But damnit, I'm gonna force myself to write a decent entry so here goes.

My life feels weird right now. Not in a bad way necessarily, but different than it did before. This is inevitable I suppose, and nothing that I'm upset about - what bothers me is that I can't quite place what's different. I can attribute most of the changes to having a boyfriend, but it's not in the relationship that I feel weird in. This doesn't make any sense. I'm going to rant until it does.

I hate being asked the question "So what's new?" or something to that effect. I never know how to answer it and it makes me feel boring. I hate feeling like I'm boring. I don't think I'm boring, I think I'm fun. I think people have fun around me, I do fun and exciting things. So why don't I describe those things when people ask that question? Because that's boring. It's mundane. It leads people to say things like "That sounds fun." It was fun. But it sounds boring.

So anyway, I feel like I'm boring. I kinda feel like being in a relationship is making me boring. I'm not bored in the relationship, in fact I'm having a pretty good time. There are moments when I think "I'm not sure if I want to be in this anymore" but it's for reasons other than boredom. I like being around Casey. It's easy, it's fun, we have good conversations, good sex, we eat a lot.. pretty typical I guess. I'm constantly worried about it getting too serious - I don't want that. That scares me. I like having the possibility of an exit strategy I guess, and things getting super serious means less of an exit strategy? That sounds bitchy.

I don't see all of my friends anymore. That sucks. And what sucks even more is that they guilt trip me about it. Guilt trips just make me want to hang out less. Charles is the master of the guilt trip - through his drunk dials and normal conversation - he makes me feel like a shitty friend. I haven't told him this of course - why would I? I know I'm not a shitty friend - I used to always make time for everybody. I used to be a great friend to everybody. And then I started focusing on myself instead of everybody else. So I'm sorry everyone. I have to be selfish every once in a while. There's a small group of friends that I still will always make time for - but even then I don't do everything I used to.

This all makes me sound depressed. I'm not. My life just feels weird right now. And none of that was cohesive.