My love affair with cheese

I'm seriously not allowing myself to buy brie at the grocery store any more. I've eaten like, an entire mini wheel of it in 2 days. 4.5 to 5" in diameter. It's so fucking good. I ate it on pizza, on bread, on my finger - fuck. My stomach is soooo not going to be pleased later. I couldn't help myself though. Thank god it's almost gone - just knowing it's in my refrigerator makes me anxious.

Goo Goo G'Joob

As usual, in an effort to procrastinate further, I choose pointless blogging over homework. This is also because the Red Bull I started drinking at 1am gave me a headache instead of energy. Gives you wings, my ass.

Even though last week was kind of a breather from crazy school craziness, I still feel constantly busy. I guess I've been busier at work, and it hasn't been super stressful or anything, but godDAMN am I going to be ecstatic when that precious, coveted summer time rolls around. Ahh summer in Austin - when the greenbelt starts flowin', the Lone Star is forever chilled, and the pot is so dank you can smell it from a mile away... I feel relaxed just thinking about it.

Trying to plan some sort of California trip with a stop in Vegas, but I'm still trying to figure out what kind of time constraint I'm under. I'm gonna be totally bummed (and so will Christi) if this doesn't work out. I have high hopes though, lady (Christi)! Don't you worry your pretty lil' head.

Casey got out of jail the next day after I posted the last entry. I guess he was only in there for 12 hours or so - but I'm sure that felt like forever to him. Poor guy. I'm really, really glad that he wasn't injured, but shit - he definitely made a drunk, bad decision. He's dealing with DWI shit - while celebrating his 21st birthday tonight. Haha! I think he's taking it easy though.

Lastly - all of my friends are hooking up. This is new. Also, by "all of my friends" I mean Christi and Emily. And by "hooking up" I don't mean with each other - cause whoa would that be weird! But really - I'm obviously totally stoked that Emily and Casey are working out - and I'll be super happy if Christi bags her new atheist boy (ha - it's a winning trait for me!) - but um - yeah. That'll be really exciting for a while - and then I'll start to feel really single. Right now it's fine - but it's coming. I can feel it. I'm going to be surrounded by couples. I guess I'm usually surrounded by couples - but when it's the BFFs it's a little more noticeable. Whatever blahdibloo.

SO! Planning the rest of my night: I have a film analysis to type, a paper proposal to type/email, and 12 more Beatles music videos to subtitle. It's 2am, I have class at 2pm. I have to leave the house by 1:20pm to make it on time. The film analysis will take a couple hours. The paper proposal will also take a couple hours (maybe more because I have to read an article first). I was hoping to have all the Beatles videos done by tonight, but that doesn't appear to be the case. Those will take me approx 4 hours to finish, but that can be finished tomorrow evening (early evening - it's going to need to burn over night). This seems like one of those math problems you get on the TAKS test or something (If a train is going 60mph, and the town is 280 miles away...).

The question is this: If I try to sleep for a little bit, will the presence of breakfast tacos and coffee be enough to get me out of bed when I need to work? I've already had a Red Bull, and even though I'm not awake, I definitely won't sleep very heavily...

Ah fuck it. We all know how this ends. Caitlin goes to sleep, sleeps too long, wakes up panicked because she didn't do all of her shit, but then the day goes on, and she still has shit to do later. Yeah, I'm gonna get some sleep. Ugh. This will never change.

holy SHIT

What's better than celebrating your BFFs 21st birthday downtown and meeting celebs from one of your fav tv shows?

Nothing.

What's worse?

Her new boyfriend getting arrested for wrecking his car while drunk.

Oof. Fortunately, no one was hurt at all.

Unfortunately, I'm pulling a semi-all-nighter so my BFFs can get some sleep. Ah, the benefits of 2pm classes...

I do however think that I'm going to puke again

What a fucking nightmare!

Alrighty, so I felt like elaborating on why I was so angry in a previous post, and I need to fully document the insanity of the event (in case I have second thoughts and need a refresher). So there was a pirate party, sponsored by my place of employment. Why yes, it DOES sound amazing! I think there was something like 120+ people all wearing pirate outfits and drinking lots of liquor. This sounds all fine and good until you realize that these people will KEEP drinking VAST AMOUNTS OF LIQUOR and will be STUCK ON A BOAT for like, 5 hours or so. It can very easily turn into a nightmare, and while everything during the first 4 hours was really great and fun, that last hour fucking killed it for me, and has kind of made me want to avoid boat parties for like, a while. Esp after last years boat party catastrophe. Clearly, I am not meant for a life at sea...

Now, I didn't get as drunk as I did the first boat party (no puking over the railing this time). I definitely got drunk though. And for a while everything was super fine and dandy. Sarah recently brought a new friend around. His name is David. To the naked eye, David seems very nice, friendly, and attractive. He's talkative, had fun at a sing-along, and was single. It doesn't really take a lot to catch my attention obvs, cause I immediately pulled a "Hey, you're cute" and went into flirt mode. I also found out he was going to be at this pirate party. Hey! What do ya know! So was I!

BTW - I had kind of run this potential crush idea by Henri, and he immediately told me that David was in fact a new Christian friend that attends that retarded Mosaic Church for False Hipsters in Christ. Clearly that was a red flag, but I've been known to look past red flags at first (and I don't know why I continue too, that hasn't gotten me anywhere) and said whatevs. Also, Henri warned that David wasn't a big drinker. Red flag again. Red flag ignored.

Now, I'm gonna breeze past the first part of the party. Alcohol was involved. Some people paid for it, I got it for free (Tim provided me with a basically endless amount of drink tickets), some also brought their own (also us - we had been pulling straight rum shots from the bottle before we even got on the boat! We like to go big or go home.) Anyway, people kept drinking, I started flirting, David took a shot of rum with me. I probably had about 4 or 5 rum drinks, and a few shots of straight rum. I could have had more. I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how much David was drinking because I was not with him the entire time. I provided him with a couple of drinks (one of which was the shot of rum, and I think I gave him a drink ticket when he was going to get another drink). Oh - also - again David's not a big drinker.

So basically, Car Stereo (Wars) gets the dance party going. I'm drunk enough to start dancing. I'm also drunk enough to go into major flirt mode. There was a while there when I wasn't concentrating my flirting into one place, I was sort of splitting it between David and Chris (the DJ - cause I've been crushin on him for a while now). I got Chris a drink, chatted with him for a while, and took a really unflattering picture of me and him. Anyway, Chris was working, and David was flirting at this point as well. So we went and chatted for a little while, I smoked a cigarette, we exchanged phone numbers, got drunk and giggly and started dancing. The dancing eventually led to making out and the making out eventually led to making out for like, forever. I have no idea how long. The general consensus is 45 minutes - although Henri added an hour to that, but I think he's full of shit.

At some point, a flash went off, I turn around, and Tim League is laughing at me. He took a picture of me in full on make out mode, I started to realize that we'd been at it for a while and that maybe we should chill the fuck out. David was like, WAY into it though, he wasn't really into the whole stopping idea, but I kind of insisted and started to smoke a cigarette. Us stopping made him realize that he was fucking trashed and he sat down. He was still really grope-y and kissy and that was all fine and good and whatever, but I told him that I was still surrounded by co-workers and what not (just a random excuse, I wasn't actually concerned about this - I had afterall been making out forever).

The exact sequence of events at this point isn't totally known, but I took a few fake bathroom breaks to go dance for a few minutes and answer a lot of "Where have YOU been, lady???" when they knew exactly where I had been. DON'T BE SO SMUG MOTHERFUCKERS! YOU WERE MAKING OUT WITH PEOPLE TOO! I did go back to hang out with David because I realized that he was a mess and incapable of taking care of himself. Because I can't really remember the sequence, I'm just going to put down what he said:

"I'm glad you came back, I feel really lost when you're not here."
"[something something] I really need you right now [blah blah]"
"I really want you to straddle me right now. You should straddle me"

Okay - this is where I started to get a little uncomfortable - mainly cause he was saying some weird shit after knowing me for like - uh - maybe 8 hours combined (from sing-along to boat party) - and also because he was shoving his hand down the back of my pants and up my shirt. He was also freaking me out by breathing insanely heavily and I was basically telling him to relax and try to calm down a little bit.

"I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm really messed up right now"
"I really want to fuck you right now. I wish you would straddle me and fuck me."

Yeah dude - seriously - work event - can't do a whole lot

"You could totally take advantage of me right now."

AND THE KICKER... drum rolllllll

"You could take my virginity right now if you wanted to..."

OH MY GOD PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC. Ahhhhhh!!! After trying to get him to calm down a little bit, I asked him how old he was - he's 26. He's 26-years-old and he's a virgin, and he is talkin' dirty and groping the shit out of me and I went into PANIC MODE.

I took another fake bathroom break for the sole intention of telling people what the fuck just happened. I did leave out the talkin' dirty and groping part, but I JUST HAD TO TELL people that the attractive male I had been making out with for the past 45ish minutes is a virgin. What. The. Fuck. I had definitely underestimated the Christian thing. Like waaaaay underestimated how Christian this guy really was. And yeah, I was freaking out. And yeah, I told a few people. But I really only told a few people.

So I was monitoring David for a while. I took him downstairs, away from the dance party so it wasn't as loud. Tim and Karrie were down there making fun of me a little bit, but kind of stopped when they saw that I was a little freaked out. I don't remember if I told them what was up. I just remember trying to pull David's hand out of my pants again and tried to keep him from puking on me. At one point he ran into the bathroom and didn't come out, but this was right before we docked, so I decided I was done.

The boat docked, people started exiting, and as I was looking for my friends, Sarah asked me where David was. I said that he went into the bathroom, someone should check on him. Then she said the whole "Don't tell everyone he's a virgin" thing and I got really pissed. I didn't tell everyone. I told a few people and it got back to her. the important thing, though, is that I kept the dirty talk and hands down the pants thing to myself. I didn't walk around telling everyone that he wanted me to fuck him! I didn't tell everyone that he was trying to get me to straddle him, now did I? No, I didn't. Ugh. I was pissed. But I was also drunk, and in combination, that makes me crazy pissed. Like, I'm not sure if I've been that angry while drunk before, but I was fucking snapping at people left and right, yelling at Chris, yada yada. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there. And I did. Finally. But I remained pissed until we got home, as I was trying to sleep, and in my dreams. Seriously.

My new favorite/terrifying part of this story, however, is something that I learned today. Henri was in the same car as David on the way home, and in between David puking out the window and apologizing for being so fucked up, HE WAS MUMBLING PRAYERS ABOUT ME!!! I actually got really anxious and freaked out when Henri told me that. That's fucking crazy to the max. Henri didn't hear exactly what he said, but holy shit! HOLY SHIT! What a fucking freak!

So apparently Sarah's still kind of pissed. And thinks that I'm some corruptive person who intentionally tried to liquor David up and try to take advantage of him. Why she thinks that I'm that kind of person, I have no idea. I like to make out with people, I'm sorry they happen to be your crazy friend with some internal conflict about their commitments to some false deity. This is not my fault. I'm really irritated that she thinks this.

But whatever. She can continue to try to find an alliance with her other Christian friends, and pretend that I'm the one who's wrong and immature and that's fine. I'm not going to pick a fight, and I'm not going to say any more about it unless she brings it up.

And as for David, that is just something that I'm not going to chase. Homedude is fucked up and way too invested in Christianity for me. Clearly he's got weak spots (like, I'm pretty sure he desperately wants to get laid) but that's not really something that I want to take on. He sent me a really nice, apologetic facebook message:

I owe you an apology. Like I said, I seriously don't remember much... by the time I got to the car, I was puking my guts out. But I think I said some very dirty things to you, and I think I was very free with my hands. I think I might have spilled some of my drink on you, too.

If I remember right, you were the one showing restraint. I'm sorry I put you in that position, but thank you for not giving in. It's been a long time since I've kissed anyone like that, and with so much alcohol in me, I just got carried away.

He also mentioned he had a lot of fun making out and blah blah blah yeah duh making out is fun too bad you're crazy and it won't happen again! He said he wants to hang out again, but honestly I think I scared him, and he sure as shit scared me. If he invites me to do something, well, I don't think he's going to. What a fucking nightmare though, seriously.

Those Christians... they are bad fucking news dude.

ah yes

And that (see below), children, is a prime example of why we don't drink and blog.

Take on me

My last post was angry and aggressive, so I thought I'd lighten the mood. Kitty, that weight is too heavy for you! You are going to pull a muscle!!!

I've been working my ass off for the past two weeks. It is seriously taking its toll on me too. I've been hella bummed and sleep deprived, getting angry at stupid shit, NOT cleaning my house (and oh my god it is disgusting) and not getting all of my work done. I am intimidated by one of my classes and I fear that it will destroy me. So last week I took a break from the madness and got a tattoo.

I had been planning this for a long time, and I am SUPER happy with it. It's healing quite nicely, and gotten generally really good reception among others. Even my dad, who I didn't tell, but he saw a picture on my brothers computer. But he said it was "very pretty" and that I'd have to wear long sleeves when I go to my grandparents from now on.

I've been getting really irritated at Alamo stuff lately too. Mostly because I'm just really stressed overall. I'm hoping to be getting more work up here over the summer and next semester (and onward) but I don't know if that's going to happen. Henri's keeping Alamo secrets from me - totes annoying! He thinks I'm joking when I say how annoying it is... BUT I'M NOT! Does he read this by the way? Henri, do you read this blog?

The semester is over in 3 weeks. THANK GOD. I've also been given the "okay" on only taking one class next semester. Well, sort of. Apparently my sister talks to my dad about me a lot - which is lame and sneaky and NOT what sisters are supposed to do - but whatevs.

If I can get through these next few weeks - I will be free. FREE! But for now, I have to finish subtitling New Wave videos and try to ignore the case of free Red Bull sitting on my desk...

Take a deep breath

Assassin's Creed - a baller game for sure - not the topic of discussion. Assassination however...

I'd like to propose a completely serious question here: If you had the ability and means to assassinate any one real person, who would it be?

Before your mind jumps to the person that you wanted to punch in high school, let me stop you for one second. I'm really serious here. This is totally weird, I know. I'm not exactly one to talk about killing people. But there are some truly fucking hateful people in this world!

So - as usual - I'm writing a blog when I should be working on a paper. I'm writing a midterm paper for a Minorities & Mass Media journalism class, and reading a book entitled Racism, Sexism & the Media. Basically, I'm learning about how racist white America is, has been, and will continue to be. It's disheartening, for sure, but easy to remember that there are many, many, many people out to constantly promote diversity and equality and an overall fairness to everyone, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, sexual-orientation, etc.white males, and one white female.

In the last chapter I read (really only about 30 minutes ago), it briefly mentioned former Philidelphia television news anchor, Rich Noonan. Noonan worked for the local Fox News station, and in 2002, his contract with the station was not renewed. Having been a lead anchor at the station for roughly 10 years, he was angry, but not only because he was let go, but because his replacement was Dave Huddleston, an African-American anchor from Minneapolis. Noonan claimed that his contract was not renewed because he was white, filed a formal complaint with the Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission seeking more than $300,000 in "compensatory and punitive damages" (whatever the fuck that means?). I would also like to point out, the other three members of Noonan's news team were two other yet.



I would also like to point out, I still haven't gotten to the person I'd like to whack

After reading that little bit of information, my first reaction was "What an ignorant asshole!" Rightly so! Philadelphia has a very large African-American population (approx. 43% of the overall population according to the 2000 census) and media-industry jobs, specifically journalism, should have that percentage reflected in the newsroom. That being said, this particular station should have had a more diverse employment long ago (and I admit, I'm definitely judging them a little because they are, in fact, a Fox News station). So, for a white male in a white male dominated newsroom (and society) to claim that he is being racially discriminated against when he is replaced by a black male is, clearly, absurd and majorly douchey.

Even though this story was not at all the focus of that chapter, it was one of the last things I read, and something that astonished me, so I wanted to look more into it (even though I will not be writing anything about this in my paper that I should be writing...). I wanted to know the following: Was Huddleston a qualified anchor and replacement for Noonan? Was this local Fox station only hiring Huddleston to boost their statistics, as an "affirmative action hire"***? Is Noonan a totally douche or is that station guilty of unjust hiring? Did Noonan win his lawsuit? Was anyone else at the station replaced by a minority?

Unfortunately, this wasn't a widely covered news story, and if it was, it happened in 2002 and the Philadelphia Daily News requires me to pay if I want to look through their archives soooo I can't tell you for sure. I do know that (of the few articles I found) not all commentary mentioned, or was aware of Noonan's replacement, and that Noonan was supposed to stay on the air through the end of February 2002 but apparently made some comment on air about the news-writing and was let go early. I cannot find this comment anywhere!

ALSO guess who supported Noonan! Ah yes, the good people at the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. Led by Pastor Fred Phelps, these are the same good people with the website deemed godhatesfags.com - the same people that protest at soldiers funerals and say that god created aids because he's angry at homosexuals and America. The same people that - ugh - you get the idea... whatever let Tyra tell it (and that's not something I normally say - but I didn't want to link to Bill O'Reilly). Also - I didn't know until now that apparently the WBC is NOT racist, just completely intolerant of everyone as a whole.



Again - STILL not to the person who I'd kill yet. Surprisingly. I know I've mentioned a few douches in here. Honestly, any member of the WBC is not one of those people. They are horrible people, to say the least, but they are based on religion, and that's just not worth my time. Also they're made up of families, and whether or not losing a family member would cause them to mourn or praise god, I have no idea, but I'm not out to destroy families. I'm only out to destroy one person. Still, they are so convinced that they are right, and they have a very strong community of about 70 people, that taking out one of them would result in them thanking god for strengthening them. Cults are an unknown force in human psychology that I will never understand. Ugh. It really grosses me out to talk about it actually, moving on.

On doing a basic google search for Rich Noonan, I was taken to a post on vnnforum.com (before you click, if you click, I apologize in advance for exposing you to the idiocracy on that site). On that page alone, there are only 7 comments (one is a comment within an article, with ignorant shit added in) and they are incredibly anti-semitic, and anti-African-American. So, of course, I explored a little more, found a few links, and ended up so fucking appalled that there are people who not only really, truly believe in white supremacy, but that they have so many followers! At first I thought that these people must be just completely uneducated, only to find out that, uh, no. Unfortunately, this is not the case. The Vanguard News Network was founded by Alex Linder (DING DING DING!!! WE HAVE A WINNER!!! CONGRATULATIONS ALEX LINDER! YOU ARE THE MOST QUALIFIED TO BE THE VICTIM OF A RANDOM ASSASSINATION!!!).


And since that picture gets cut off, let me present you with another one.


Why yes, he DOES look like a douchebag!

Linder "claims that the experience of working in mainstream journalism opened his eyes to an institutional anti-white bias in the field, and led him to take-up pro-white activism." HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?? Just submersing myself in a BOOK about mainstream journalism makes me almost shameful about being part of white America (although, to be fair - to myself - and to justify myself a little bit in this shame - I am of Jewish and Irish decent - so it's not like my ancestors had an easy breezy life or anything)! Anyway, Linder runs this site, which is like, the MOST racist site ever. It's motto - only slightly worse than "God Hates Fags" - is "VNN. No Jews. Just Right." (an oh so clever mock of CNN's motto - ah, you're a witty one Linder!) If you feel so inclined, you can find links to essays, blogs and other shit about the most hateful things ever towards jews, african-americans, latino-americans, native-americans, women, minority women, and pretty much the entire human race. Oh wait, except for caucasians of European decent (specifically German) in favor of preserving Western Civilization and halting racial (and intellectual) diversity. Awesome! Would you like to read his blog? I bet it'll make you pretty angry! Kirksville Today - go to town!

I just don't hate this guy for thinking what he thinks. I hate him for promoting it. I hate him for forming a community of support around these hateful ideas that have people so against embracing their fellow humans. I HATE him for thinking that being white is a symbol of racial and social superiority and that people should be concerned about preserving this precious, precious race. Uh hello! White America isn't going anywhere! I hate him for thinking that women are inferior to men (but to be fair, I hate all misogynist), but I hate him even more for speaking out against women. I hate him for being so ignorant as to think that white America DOESN'T have privileges in mainstream media and that there's an "anti-white bias". Ugh! FUCK YOU ALEX LINDER! I hope you trace back your heritage one day and you find that your great-great-great-great-grandfather was Jewish.

Okay - so I've already spent WAY too long on this blog entry (because I've actually been doing research for it - again - instead of what I should be doing) and I'm kind of outraged and frustrated at this guy (and at Shirley Phelps - I apologize for posting that youtube video, it's really hard to watch) and I've gotta quit now. My stomach hurts (either due to the adderall, the Red Bull, or the disgusting nature of the things I've been reading) and I'm thirsty. Fortunately my professor emailed me a while ago and gave me an extension on this paper (again) so I'm not fucked right now. Well, only a little bit anyway.


Have a good day! Go out and express kindness to some one new. And if you see Alex Linder, you tell him I'm on to him. You tell him I'm comin' to take his balls...

Also - if any of this made you mad (which I'm sure it did if you have a heart and you're NOT a white supremacist or crazy WBC member), look into the Anti-Defamation League. They are a large interest group whose goal is "to stop, by appeals to reason and conscience and, if necessary, by appeals to law, the defamation of the Jewish people. Its ultimate purpose is to secure justice and fair treatment to all citizens alike and to put an end forever to unjust and unfair discrimination against and ridicule of any sect or body of citizens." Basically, they are an anti-hate group focused on promoting diversity and equality, and yes, they have events and groups in Austin (link on the picture). In addition to promoting equality, they also promote the separation of church and state, support the legal precedent that it is unconstitutional for the government to post the Ten Commandments in public places, and has also condemned the public school "Bible curriculum." AND they track and keep lists of various extremist groups and individuals in an effort to "monitor and expose those who are anti-Jewish, racist, anti-democratic, and violence-prone" and regularly releases reports on such groups. These are the good guys. And right now I am SO fucking thankful that they exist.



Also - I need a little bit of Obama Love right about now:



*** "affirmative action hire" is basically hiring a minority for the sake of having the minority on roster - this was a practice by broadcasters when the FCC started monitoring diversity within the newsroom (on air and in management) - this started before people stopped saying shit like "Well, minorities are just less qualified for the position" - thank god people eventually started to realize that yeah, minorities can be, and are, just as qualified as your average white guy - however, some broadcasters will still hire minorities just to say that they now have a black man as an anchor. but shit! for a while they would hire non-white females because they were "two-fers" and could mark them down twice as a minority and as a woman - the FCC called this cheating and busted their asses (btw I say "for a while" but this obvs still goes on in some places)!